Afraid of what is to come

Time is flying by. Yet, it seems like it’s taking forever. I’ve been at war with myself. On one side, I’ve been having to control myself from just up and leaving. I keep reminding myself that I really need to relax. Ideally, I should have a small nest egg to hold me over until I find a new job in Arizona. However, I’ve also found myself constantly thinking of reasons to stay in NYC longer. I keep saying things like, “It’s not a good time now”, “I need more money”, “First, I should pay off my credit card.” I’ve realized that this is because deep down, I am afraid of the change that will come. I’ve lived in the city for most of my life and in a few months I’ll be moving to Bullhead City, Arizona. Those are complete opposites. Still, I keep reminding myself, that it is what I truly want. I want to get freed from the chains of NYC.
I really would like to avoid getting a full-time job because I really need a break from all of this stress. Still, i realize that due to the amount of debt that I have, and the amount of work that we will need to put into the house,  I will have to get a full-time job. My time to relax will come later on. At least, it wont be nearly as stressful as it is here.. I hope.

I’ll confess, I’ve never seen the house except for in pictures and a video that you can check out below.

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Obviously, it needs A LOT of work before I can even get started on anything else. Re-watching it makes me extremely nervous – to the point that I feel like I’m going to puke. Still, I remind myself that it’s only $350 Mo. (my portion will be $175) and they wont be charging us rent until January.

I don’t know exactly how much work we’ll be willing to put into it, as Jeff and I are hoping to get some land in the future. Still, I already can tell you that we need to replace that door, get a fridge and an electric stove. The carpets need to be cleaned, removed or replaced. I’m thinking of just replacing all of those carpets, but we’ll see.  Luckily, his parents are our neighbours and will allow us to use whatever we need from their house until we get settled in.

I’m not planning to buy anything NEW and I’m hoping that I can get most of the stuff that I will need off of craigslist, the salvation army, and upclycing.  I’m scared to death! I’ve got a lot of changes coming and obstacles that I will have to cross, but I have faith that God will guide me through and everything will turn out just fine.

Thanks for reading!

[Please drop me a comment, if you have any feedback as to what I should do first or if you have any suggestions that may make my life easier for when I move.]

One comment

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